


a warning to the prophet, the liar, the honest,

by VenomQuill



Series: Dragon Age II [4]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Post-Dragon Age II Quest - The Last Straw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24811429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenomQuill/pseuds/VenomQuill
Summary: this is war.
Relationships: Anders/Female Hawke
Series: Dragon Age II [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794661
Kudos: 2





	a warning to the prophet, the liar, the honest,

**Author's Note:**

> to the leader, the pariah, the victor,

Normally, days started off well for Hawke. Birds singing, flowers blooming, and all that. But after the night they just had? Well… no amount of birdsong or flowers could make this day a good one. It wasn’t like she showed it; Hawke had been smiling and joking all day. She hadn’t quite fooled Aveline, but the woman must have written it off as their latest venture. That or she was just preparing the right time to talk.

Hawke shut the door behind her. Sounds of revelry still emanated from the inn where they sheltered. They hadn’t slept well, but damn did they drink. Hawke laughed along with her friends, joking and fake-scowling and congratulating the people around her who had lived–who _won._ They faced off against a hopeless battle against a supernatural enemy and _won._ They were all alive…

No, that was a lie.

They had won, and they had drank themselves to sleep, but not all of them survived. Aveline, Varric, Fenris, Merrill, Isabella, and Sebastian were all alive. They survived Meredith’s fury and the templar charge and Orsino’s breakdown. But the one person Hawke expected to stay by her side did not. Did Hawke herself truly survive?

Hawke looked up at the window. Golden light from the dusk sun spilled over the bedside table and her ruffled bed. She gently made the covers, setting the pillow correctly and smoothing out the blanket. Hawke knelt beside her bag, which was left leaning against the wall, and pulled out a few individually folded papers and a water flask. _Gamlen_ scrawled over the top of one. She looked over the creases where she had folded it incorrectly and retried. She looked at the dark lines ghosting on the paper where some ink tried to bleed through but hadn’t quite gotten there. Gamlen was probably tired of letters, especially ones from family who were never going to visit again. But one last letter shouldn’t hurt.

Hawke glanced over the second one with a sigh. It was made on just as large a sheet of paper, but it was slightly heavier from how much more ink she’d used on it.

The Champion of Kirkwall–or was it former Champion?–placed the letters down on the center of the bed where they were more likely to be found. She pulled out the water flask and shook it a little. The water within, only half full, swished. Hawke pulled out a small bag, a little old but still full of the product sample she’d taken years ago and clasped the mouth of it to the water flask. The contents of the bag escaped into the flask instantly.

_Dear Whoever-is-reading-this,_

Hawke got to her feet but, before she made it a step away from the bed, she hesitated and pulled out a fat bag of coin; all three hundred sovereigns she’d horded over the years. She dropped it beside the heavier letter and walked up to the window. With the sounds of her friends laughing and gagging at a crude joke from Isabella ringing in her ears, Hawke slid out of the window and into the twilight.

_Hey! This is Hawke! If you’re reading this, it means I’m dead. Or you’re snooping through my stuff, which is bad. Stop that, Isabella. Or not. I mean, I don’t really care anymore, because I’m dead._

Grass flattened beneath her step but sprang right back up as she lifted her foot. The ocean hissed and crashed upon the rocks far below. Hawke looked over the rugged landscape, covered in grass and dirt and spattered by trees and peppered by holes and caves. The cliffs close by were steep, allowing Hawke to see all the way down to the pointed rocks and smoothed cliffs being assaulted by the white-foam ocean.

_So, we had a good old victory. I’m sorry for dragging you people through it. You’ve been my greatest friends, and you warned me against it, but I couldn’t resist._

Her icy blue gaze fell on the horizon. The sun had dipped lower and was now almost completely obscured by the clouds and ocean. She took a deep breath and sighed. The salty wind, warm from the sun but touched by the impending coolness of the night, surged over her. She smiled and, for a moment, she stopped, her eyes closed and body still. She listened to the sea birds squawking and calling as they flew over the ocean and land.

_I needed to help the mages, I needed to prevent a complete slaughter. But, hey! We proved Meredith was crazy and found the idol! So that’s a bonus!_

When she opened her eyes at last, she found the ocean glimmering under the light of the moon untainted by the now absent sun. Hawke continued her walk. After all, she could still see the glow of light from the inn. If she wasn’t careful, someone might catch up before she was ready for them. That would be awkward.

_I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye in person, but it’s probably for the best. You don’t need me getting all sappy or teary-eyed on you!_

As she strolled, her boots within feet of the edge of the cliff, her mind wandered. The turbulent clouds that had made hazy her mind had cleared. Like the sun burning through a retreating storm, peace fell over her mind and heart. For the first time in years, she was completely content. Worry didn’t nag at the edge of her mind like a bothersome cat or bite at her heels like some insistent puppy. No one was coming to her for help or looking to her for leadership. She was alone. She was happy.

_You know, Bethany would have just loved you guys, I know it. She loved everyone and she believed the good in everyone. Well, guess I’ll just have to tell her about you guys. I’ll relay the message to you! Much, much later, of course. Because I’ll be dead._

Eventually, the light from the inn was so far away, Hawke could no longer see it. She looked behind herself, but the uneven landscape blocked her view. Even so, the warmth and noise and light was gone. It would never come back. In its place was tranquility. For the first time, she began to wonder. Tranquil were said to be emotionless. Is this what they felt? An endless night, a breeze without temperature brushing over their skin, nothing weighing down their hearts or minds. Karl had panicked when he thought he was going under again. But there were people who volunteered for it, right? Her father said as much.

 _Oh, and don’t blame anyone, okay? It’ll just_ kill _the mood and you know how hard it is to bring the mood up after someone just_ has _to up and die. Sorry I have to be the killjoy here. But, you know, it’s better this way. I don’t know where I’m going from here._

Hmm… no, that wouldn’t have brought her peace. Sure, she wouldn’t go through the heartbreak she experienced, but she didn’t feel it anymore now. She wasn’t even tranquil. If she was, she wouldn’t feel peace either, she supposed. Whatever the case was, Hawke was still happy she could feel. Even if that feeling was small, even if that feeling was losing to numbness, anyway.

_But if I do find Mother and Father and Bethany and Carver again, I’ll tell them all about you. Heck, I’ll hunt down Anders wherever he is, and I’ll make sure he knows how you guys felt. So, if you want me to say anything, just tell me!_

The moon was high overhead, now. The nighttime critters long since faded into the background. Hawke was only a little surprised she hadn’t wandered off the cliff. Still, she hadn’t fallen off, and that’s what mattered. She didn’t want to fall, not again. Flemeth said that it was only by falling that she learned to fly. Well, Hawke didn’t want to fly. Not anymore.

_Wait, no, that’s a bad idea. I don’t think dead people hear stuff. But that’s fine. Because we talked before, right? If I didn’t, well, sorry. Guess I just felt my time was up a little quicker than I ~~would have liked~~ thought._

Hawke stopped as the trail veered. Before her was a copse of trees looming over a river that drained off into the ocean. She heard it’s hissing and swishing, now, as she concentrated on it. What a peaceful noise. She had always been fond of waterfalls. Carver loved watching the fire burn, but Hawke was perfectly content watching water fall down from a river into a new destination, onto a path the river could not double-back on. It was a permanent way forward. Or, for this particular river, a permanent way out.

_You know, it feels good to write this. It feels freeing. I didn’t know how much I liked writing until now. I’m broken, and I don’t want to make anyone try to fix me. If there’s a more hopeless cause out there, I wouldn’t know it!_

Hawke sat on the lush grass, her back against the bark of a tree. Up until then, she hadn’t been aware of the soreness in her muscles. But as she relaxed, all the tension and fatigue that built up in her was released and she lay back against the tree. She opened her eyes to look up at the sky, mostly blocked by branches and leaves. Still, a few stars and the brilliant moon above peaked out from behind the leaves. Nature was beautiful. Of all the things she missed about Ferelden, the wide-open spaces and the pretty nature were part of it.

_Rambling aside, it’s great to have known you. Sorry, I will be rambling. Unless I just cut this part out and rewrite? But I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like anything. Probably because I’m dead. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be with my family. Finally, after so long, I’ll get to be with my parents and my siblings…_

Hawke took a deep breath and held up her flask of water. She swished the contents within, listening to the water laden with poison struggle to leave its container. It would get its wish, soon. For now, she watched the starlight glimmer on the river. Hawke let out a small chuckle. Second thoughts? Now? Really?

_I’ll get to find Anders, too. It’ll probably be a little awkward, though, since I basically killed Carver and Anders and let Bethany and Mother die, but I’m sure we’ll move past it. Because I’ll be dead, too, by my own hand! So, we’ll have more in common._

The mage flicked open the cap on the flask and tipped her head back. She wrinkled her nose at the weird taste, but the contents were gone rather quickly. She swallowed a few times to get the taste out of her mouth, but it lingered. “Pah,” she spat, wiping her face on her wrist. “I should've brought something to chase it down. I’m not really good at looking ahead, am I?” She laughed at herself again.

_Well, I better get a move on before one of you finds me. I still have that sample I snatched from What’s-his-face, that former raider guy. I was going to throw it away, but I guess I forgot?_

She took a deep breath. Whatever she felt, whatever happened, it was done. She was finally _done._ It was going to end. The struggle, the pain, the crushing, overwhelming need to help others even if it meant suffering to her or someone she claimed to love. It would all be over, almost like it was in Lothering. Except, in Lothering, both her and her sister were mages, so they had to watch out for that. They were on the move semi-constantly. But Hawke was tired of running. She was tired of fighting. She needed to rest.

_Well, it’s a good thing, I guess. Glad I’m such a packrat! By the way, I left all I had next to this note. I won’t need it anymore, so you can have it. Buy a ship or some wine or pay off the nobles, I don’t know._

She lay her hands on her lap and shut her eyes. On a whim, she decided to reach out. To feel the weirdly comfortable presence of the Fade. She’d always been fascinated by the Fade. It was something her father had greatly feared, but somewhat encouraged. He taught her bright and early in her mage life about the denizens and dangers of the Fade. But now, as she reached out to a place she used to call for aid, she felt a new presence. It was stronger than she had previously remembered. Closer. There was a familiarity to this foreign entity, but she couldn’t quite place from where she remembered it. Ah, well. She couldn’t think that well, anyway. She was tired, and it was time to sleep.

_Anyway, this is Hawke signing off for the last time. Bye!_

**Author's Note:**

> the messiah


End file.
